Wow. I am constantly amazed at how great of a teacher Mrs. Genesky is, how similar we are and how much I'm okay with that.
When I started high school, I was invincible. I was independent, I had everything together, I had strong goals and a plan to achieve them. During my four years (changed "throughout" to "during" just for you Mrs. G) at Millbrook and especially this past year, I have pretty much completely fallen apart. I've learned just how weak I am and been defeated many times. This seems kinda like a sad realization, but I have come to realize how grateful I am that I learned how to fail in high school. And I learned really well.
There's a certain beauty to vulnerability. I tend to hide a lot of myself from the outside world because vulnerability has always made me pretty uncomfortable. But the more I live my life, the more I realize how important it is to show weakness sometime. Hiding it is just unreasonable. I'm not fooling anyone by pretending that I have no weaknesses. We're all human and we all have them whether I choose to show them or not. But vulnerability allows for some of the most precious moments you are allotted in life. The moments I cherish most are when I am able to open up completely with the people that I love, or when they can do the same for me. I hope I continue to develop my ability to show weakness. I want to learn to express my passions and emotions because they are the most powerful form of communication. You touch others' hearts when you allow yours to be open.
I've always wanted to do everything on my own, but the reality of life is that it's impossible to make it through this crazy world completely alone without going insane. I've learned that it's important to me to make sure that no one feels like they are alone. I've conditioned myself to try my hardest to reach out to people when I know they are going through something hard in their life. So many times I have felt like there is no one I can talk to and I get overwhelmed by trying to bear everything in my life. I want to help others avoid going through this. We all need a little help sometimes, and we all need someone to lean on when we're not strong (thank you Bill Withers).
I still have big goals that I strive for every day, but I've had to learn to be okay with not being perfect. I try to not overwhelm myself and to be okay with my limitations. Like I said, I've failed a lot in high school. It builds a thick skin, but also gave me a push to learn to love myself with all of my imperfections and be okay with myself during the pursuit of perfection. I know I'll never achieve complete perfection as it is impossible, and I'm learning to be okay with myself when I'm strongest, weakest, and everywhere in between. The reality is, as long as we're trying, we are perfectly imperfect.
When I started high school, I thought I was happy. I've realized now that although I was happy, I was inexperienced. It's one thing to be happy when everything's going right. But the real test is being happy when everything goes wrong. And that's what I strive for daily, for myself and for others.
Now that it's all beginning to end, I have spent countless hours reflecting on what I've gone through and how much I've grown. The truth is, I don't want to grow up. I don't want to leave. I don't want to go to college and be on my own. I love the life I've created here, and the future terrifies me. I know I'm nowhere near done failing, and I hope I can use what I've learned in high school to put myself back together when I have dreams crushed and fall apart. Yet I hope to have the courage to show my weaknesses and allow others to learn through me and be able to connect with people emotionally. Everyone has fears, but the truly courageous openly share their fears and face them head-on.
I will be courageous.
I will be vulnerable.
I will be a friend.
I will spread happiness.
I will be happy.
I will travel.
I will admire.
I will give thanks.
I will persevere.
I will share my passions.
I will serve.
I will progress.
I will be imperfect.
I will be successful.
I will learn.
I will love.
I will live.
I will remember.
Thank you to everyone who has been there for me and helped me on my way. And to those who stuck with me through all of my blog posts (;
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Sunday, April 5, 2015
That Ship Has Sailed, Whitman.
---Walt Whitman's journal---
"Brochure- two characters as a dialogue between a...."
"dream or better? Lessons for a president elect. Dialogue between .... and President Elect"
"antique/religious... the Greek....masterpiece of virtue- conscience, justice..."(scribbled out)
"welcome to the storm- welcome to the trial-let the waves..."
"ship of liberated"
sketches of same man slightly different
"The Boheamian Tate Saturday Press" logo sketch
skull/heart with dagger in it
Analyzing Walt Whitman's journal, a few things stood out to me. First, I predict that Whitman will be a religious man, or a man who likes to study/comment on religion and its social effects. This is evident because he has many notes regarding religion, virtue, morality, and trials. Second, I think he also will present opinions on politics as he also includes much about justice and liberation. Third, I think the man he draws over and over isn't necessarily supposed to be a character, but more of an embodiment of a specific force. I conclude this because of the many drawings and redrawings he created to make the perfect representation of this man. Also, the second picture, reminds me of an embodiment of a natural force such as wind because of the style of the sketch. Lastly, I find it interesting that he included a sketch for a press called The Boheamian (also is this some weird language thing or can he just not spell bohemian?). Bohemian often refers to the artistic style of pieces or artists that are abstract or unorthodox in their art/style. Although most bohemian styles I observe and enjoy myself are closer to the gypsy style, I think Whitman's style does conform to this definition of bohemian. He does seem a little out of the ordinary and very impulsive-- most of these notes in his journal appear to be hurriedly written down as he thinks of them out of the blue during everyday activities. I admire this almost messy artistic style because I think it's interesting to almost be able to see Whitman's excitement and urgency as he has his eureka! moments. His journal is almost art in itself as the audience(probably not intended by Whitman, but nevertheless an audience) attempts to connect Whitman's random thoughts.
Inside front cover-- names and addresses of people
Whitman fascinated by Lincoln and imagined a conversation with him
"mystical thoughts" on religion ---> helped create 4-sided version of God?
political/philosophical divide
despised slavery, very nationalistic
Greek sage-masterpiece of virtue vs. the Jew, the Christ, the Consolator--love, soul, purity
"dare not exclude"
"that which is not conscience, but against it"
"libertad" not "liberated" (Spanish word)---> adds insight to audience/worldwide views
optimistic
"is all then lost?"
"and you"
Lincoln as captain of a ship
loss of hope/mid-life crisis
the future of world history dependent on the success of American democracy
self-portrait as a Greek philosopher, etc
harp-emblem of poetry
"proper bohemian disregard for correct spelling"
strange sketch= America halfway between life and death?
I think it's interesting to compare what I know now to what I predicted without having the transcription of Whitman's journal. I was correct in thinking that he did have a fascination with philosophy and politics, much like many great authors that we have studied. I find it interesting that his notes in themselves are much like poetry. It seems as though Whitman thinks in poetry. I also found his almost unhealthy fascination with Lincoln interesting. Lincoln is one of my favorite presidents too, but Walt here takes it a bit to the extreme. But it's cool to connect these two and that their paths crossed, no matter how insignificantly. It also says something about Whitman that he was so affected by Lincoln and his ideals that he created imaginary conversations between the two of them.
It seems the most important thing to grasp about Whitman from his journal is his admirable optimism in the earlier portions compared to the negative loss of hope in the later portions. He seems to possess so much nationality and love for life in the earlier portion of his life (or at least this journal), but we see that he loses these as the "ship" of hope sets sail, specifically for America. It's interesting to see this change in his mindset as many people during this time, and today, undergo this change. We tend to get more hopeless and negative as we grow older. It seems most of us, as innocent children, began our lives with the same bright hope in the goodness of people and endless pride in our country. However, the more we experience and see in the world, the more we push the ship from the shore. It seems that Whitman, along with the events in his life, helped his ship set sail for far away as he turned to alcoholism, etc. to cope with the trials in life.
Also, I feel like Whitman almost 1800's-burned me as an artist from beyond the grave? I now see that his spelling was of course an artistic comment rather than a stupid spelling mistake.
Well played, Walt.
"Brochure- two characters as a dialogue between a...."
"dream or better? Lessons for a president elect. Dialogue between .... and President Elect"
"antique/religious... the Greek....masterpiece of virtue- conscience, justice..."(scribbled out)
"welcome to the storm- welcome to the trial-let the waves..."
"ship of liberated"
sketches of same man slightly different
"The Boheamian Tate Saturday Press" logo sketch
skull/heart with dagger in it
Analyzing Walt Whitman's journal, a few things stood out to me. First, I predict that Whitman will be a religious man, or a man who likes to study/comment on religion and its social effects. This is evident because he has many notes regarding religion, virtue, morality, and trials. Second, I think he also will present opinions on politics as he also includes much about justice and liberation. Third, I think the man he draws over and over isn't necessarily supposed to be a character, but more of an embodiment of a specific force. I conclude this because of the many drawings and redrawings he created to make the perfect representation of this man. Also, the second picture, reminds me of an embodiment of a natural force such as wind because of the style of the sketch. Lastly, I find it interesting that he included a sketch for a press called The Boheamian (also is this some weird language thing or can he just not spell bohemian?). Bohemian often refers to the artistic style of pieces or artists that are abstract or unorthodox in their art/style. Although most bohemian styles I observe and enjoy myself are closer to the gypsy style, I think Whitman's style does conform to this definition of bohemian. He does seem a little out of the ordinary and very impulsive-- most of these notes in his journal appear to be hurriedly written down as he thinks of them out of the blue during everyday activities. I admire this almost messy artistic style because I think it's interesting to almost be able to see Whitman's excitement and urgency as he has his eureka! moments. His journal is almost art in itself as the audience(probably not intended by Whitman, but nevertheless an audience) attempts to connect Whitman's random thoughts.
Inside front cover-- names and addresses of people
Whitman fascinated by Lincoln and imagined a conversation with him
"mystical thoughts" on religion ---> helped create 4-sided version of God?
political/philosophical divide
despised slavery, very nationalistic
Greek sage-masterpiece of virtue vs. the Jew, the Christ, the Consolator--love, soul, purity
"dare not exclude"
"that which is not conscience, but against it"
"libertad" not "liberated" (Spanish word)---> adds insight to audience/worldwide views
optimistic
"is all then lost?"
"and you"
Lincoln as captain of a ship
loss of hope/mid-life crisis
the future of world history dependent on the success of American democracy
self-portrait as a Greek philosopher, etc
harp-emblem of poetry
"proper bohemian disregard for correct spelling"
strange sketch= America halfway between life and death?
I think it's interesting to compare what I know now to what I predicted without having the transcription of Whitman's journal. I was correct in thinking that he did have a fascination with philosophy and politics, much like many great authors that we have studied. I find it interesting that his notes in themselves are much like poetry. It seems as though Whitman thinks in poetry. I also found his almost unhealthy fascination with Lincoln interesting. Lincoln is one of my favorite presidents too, but Walt here takes it a bit to the extreme. But it's cool to connect these two and that their paths crossed, no matter how insignificantly. It also says something about Whitman that he was so affected by Lincoln and his ideals that he created imaginary conversations between the two of them.
It seems the most important thing to grasp about Whitman from his journal is his admirable optimism in the earlier portions compared to the negative loss of hope in the later portions. He seems to possess so much nationality and love for life in the earlier portion of his life (or at least this journal), but we see that he loses these as the "ship" of hope sets sail, specifically for America. It's interesting to see this change in his mindset as many people during this time, and today, undergo this change. We tend to get more hopeless and negative as we grow older. It seems most of us, as innocent children, began our lives with the same bright hope in the goodness of people and endless pride in our country. However, the more we experience and see in the world, the more we push the ship from the shore. It seems that Whitman, along with the events in his life, helped his ship set sail for far away as he turned to alcoholism, etc. to cope with the trials in life.
Also, I feel like Whitman almost 1800's-burned me as an artist from beyond the grave? I now see that his spelling was of course an artistic comment rather than a stupid spelling mistake.
Well played, Walt.
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