I Was

Wow. I am constantly amazed at how great of a teacher Mrs. Genesky is, how similar we are and how much I'm okay with that.

When I started high school, I was invincible. I was independent, I had everything together, I had strong goals and a plan to achieve them. During my four years (changed "throughout" to "during" just for you Mrs. G) at Millbrook and especially this past year, I have pretty much completely fallen apart. I've learned just how weak I am and been defeated many times. This seems kinda like a sad realization, but I have come to realize how grateful I am that I learned how to fail in high school. And I learned really well.

There's a certain beauty to vulnerability. I tend to hide a lot of myself from the outside world because vulnerability has always made me pretty uncomfortable. But the more I live my life, the more I realize how important it is to show weakness sometime. Hiding it is just unreasonable. I'm not fooling anyone by pretending that I have no weaknesses. We're all human and we all have them whether I choose to show them or not. But vulnerability allows for some of the most precious moments you are allotted in life. The moments I cherish most are when I am able to open up completely with the people that I love, or when they can do the same for me. I hope I continue to develop my ability to show weakness. I want to learn to express my passions and emotions because they are the most powerful form of communication. You touch others' hearts when you allow yours to be open.

I've always wanted to do everything on my own, but the reality of life is that it's impossible to make it through this crazy world completely alone without going insane. I've learned that it's important to me to make sure that no one feels like they are alone. I've conditioned myself to try my hardest to reach out to people when I know they are going through something hard in their life. So many times I have felt like there is no one I can talk to and I get overwhelmed by trying to bear everything in my life. I want to help others avoid going through this. We all need a little help sometimes, and we all need someone to lean on when we're not strong (thank you Bill Withers).

I still have big goals that I strive for every day, but I've had to learn to be okay with not being perfect. I try to not overwhelm myself and to be okay with my limitations. Like I said, I've failed a lot in high school. It builds a thick skin, but also gave me a push to learn to love myself with all of my imperfections and be okay with myself during the pursuit of perfection. I know I'll never achieve complete perfection as it is impossible, and I'm learning to be okay with myself when I'm strongest, weakest, and everywhere in between. The reality is, as long as we're trying, we are perfectly imperfect.

When I started high school, I thought I was happy. I've realized now that although I was happy, I was inexperienced. It's one thing to be happy when everything's going right. But the real test is being happy when everything goes wrong. And that's what I strive for daily, for myself and for others.

Now that it's all beginning to end, I have spent countless hours reflecting on what I've gone through and how much I've grown. The truth is, I don't want to grow up. I don't want to leave. I don't want to go to college and be on my own. I love the life I've created here, and the future terrifies me. I know I'm nowhere near done failing, and I hope I can use what I've learned in high school to put myself back together when I have dreams crushed and fall apart. Yet I hope to have the courage to show my weaknesses and allow others to learn through me and be able to connect with people emotionally. Everyone has fears, but the truly courageous openly share their fears and face them head-on.

I will be courageous.
I will be vulnerable.
I will be a friend.
I will spread happiness.
I will be happy.
I will travel.
I will admire.
I will give thanks.
I will persevere.
I will share my passions.
I will serve.
I will progress.
I will be imperfect.
I will be successful.
I will learn.
I will love.
I will live.
I will remember.




Thank you to everyone who has been there for me and helped me on my way. And to those who stuck with me through all of my blog posts (;

That Ship Has Sailed, Whitman.

---Walt Whitman's journal---

"Brochure- two characters as a dialogue between a...."
"dream or better? Lessons for a president elect. Dialogue between .... and President Elect"
"antique/religious... the Greek....masterpiece of virtue- conscience, justice..."(scribbled out)
"welcome to the storm- welcome to the trial-let the waves..."
"ship of liberated"
sketches of same man slightly different
"The Boheamian Tate Saturday Press" logo sketch
skull/heart with dagger in it

Analyzing Walt Whitman's journal, a few things stood out to me. First, I predict that Whitman will be a religious man, or a man who likes to study/comment on religion and its social effects. This is evident because he has many notes regarding religion, virtue, morality, and trials. Second, I think he also will present opinions on politics as he also includes much about justice and liberation. Third, I think the man he draws over and over isn't necessarily supposed to be a character, but more of an embodiment of a specific force. I conclude this because of the many drawings and redrawings he created to make the perfect representation of this man. Also, the second picture, reminds me of an embodiment of a natural force such as wind because of the style of the sketch. Lastly, I find it interesting that he included a sketch for a press called The Boheamian (also is this some weird language thing or can he just not spell bohemian?). Bohemian often refers to the artistic style of pieces or artists that are abstract or unorthodox in their art/style. Although most bohemian styles I observe and enjoy myself are closer to the gypsy style, I think Whitman's style does conform to this definition of bohemian. He does seem a little out of the ordinary and very impulsive-- most of these notes in his journal appear to be hurriedly written down as he thinks of them out of the blue during everyday activities. I admire this almost messy artistic style because I think it's interesting to almost be able to see Whitman's excitement and urgency as he has his eureka! moments. His journal is almost art in itself as the audience(probably not intended by Whitman, but nevertheless an audience) attempts to connect Whitman's random thoughts.

Inside front cover-- names and addresses of people
Whitman fascinated by Lincoln and imagined a conversation with him
"mystical thoughts" on religion ---> helped create 4-sided version of God?
political/philosophical divide
despised slavery, very nationalistic
Greek sage-masterpiece of virtue vs. the Jew, the Christ, the Consolator--love, soul, purity
"dare not exclude"
"that which is not conscience, but against it"
"libertad" not "liberated" (Spanish word)---> adds insight to audience/worldwide views
optimistic
"is all then lost?"
"and you"
Lincoln as captain of a ship
loss of hope/mid-life crisis
the future of world history dependent on the success of American democracy
self-portrait as a Greek philosopher, etc
harp-emblem of poetry
"proper bohemian disregard for correct spelling"
strange sketch= America halfway between life and death?

I think it's interesting to compare what I know now to what I predicted without having the transcription of Whitman's journal. I was correct in thinking that he did have a fascination with philosophy and politics, much like many great authors that we have studied. I find it interesting that his notes in themselves are much like poetry. It seems as though Whitman thinks in poetry. I also found his almost unhealthy fascination with Lincoln interesting. Lincoln is one of my favorite presidents too, but Walt here takes it a bit to the extreme. But it's cool to connect these two and that their paths crossed, no matter how insignificantly. It also says something about Whitman that he was so affected by Lincoln and his ideals that he created imaginary conversations between the two of them.
It seems the most important thing to grasp about Whitman from his journal is his admirable optimism in the earlier portions compared to the negative loss of hope in the later portions. He seems to possess so much nationality and love for life in the earlier portion of his life (or at least this journal), but we see that he loses these as the "ship" of hope sets sail, specifically for America. It's interesting to see this change in his mindset as many people during this time, and today, undergo this change. We tend to get more hopeless and negative as we grow older. It seems most of us, as innocent children, began our lives with the same bright hope in the goodness of people and endless pride in our country. However, the more we experience and see in the world, the more we push the ship from the shore. It seems that Whitman, along with the events in his life, helped his ship set sail for far away as he turned to alcoholism, etc. to cope with the trials in life.

Also, I feel like Whitman almost 1800's-burned me as an artist from beyond the grave? I now see that his spelling was of course an artistic comment rather than a stupid spelling mistake. 

Well played, Walt.

Once Upon an American Dream

(I'm including these pictures because this is what one of my friends turned in as her project on the American Dream and I found it was very fitting... even though she just completely forgot to do the project.)

I'm a little confused about this blog post because, in my opinion, the 1920's was less than optimistic.

I think it's hard to define what the American Dream is, as it is solely based on the individual. To the world in the 1920's, the presented "American Dream" that society wanted to believe was what they truly wished to have was money, riches, jewels, nice things, parties, alcohol, and everything that makes the 1920's roarin'. However, in the Great Gatsby, Fitzgerald alludes that the American Dream is something so much deeper. The American Dream represents hope of a brighter future. This is what has brought various settlers and immigrants to the New World for ages. For many, America represents a place where they are free to pursue their dreams and escape any hardships they encounter in their home country.

This is what the American Dream means to me. For the amount of crap we give America on almost a daily basis, it's hard to argue that America isn't an amazing country. So many focus on the "freedoms that we aren't granted," rather than focusing on the amazing freedoms that we do have. We tend to get so focused on what we don't have rather than appreciate what we do. We are taught that wealth isn't materialistic, but it seems that no one truly believes that. When my sister was preparing to go to Argentina for a year and a half, my dad constantly told her that she'd finally see what true poverty is. She worked closely with many people who literally had nothing and yet had everything. They washed their little clothing in a hole in the ground, yet they had the greatest love for God and their families. That's what true wealth is, and it's something that we Americans (United Statesans?) forget. If the American Dream is to find wealth, then we're doing it wrong. Material wealth will never measure up to the wealth that comes from close personal relationships and the pursuing your passions.

It constantly amazes me that other countries are struggling with dictators and consistent war, and yet we complain that the government has put up security measures that "invade our privacy" and yet save us from utter destruction. No, the country's not perfect and never will be. That's unrealistic. But the United States grants us a lot of freedom and gives us hope towards a brighter future. There are so many opportunities given to us in the United States that we often overlook. But until we can see how bad others have it, we will never appreciate the land of the free: a beacon of hope and a magical, foreign place to others fighting for their freedom in their own countries. Others dream of coming to America, and many of us dream of getting out.

It's Not What You Said, It's How You Said It.

#1:As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.

#2:Gregory Samsa woke from uneasy dreams one morning to find himself changed into a giant bug.

#3:When Gregor Samsa awoke from troubled dreams one morning he found he had been transformed in his bed into an enormous bug.

#4:One morning, upon awakening from agitated dreams, Gregor Samsa found himself, in his bed, transformed into a monstrous vermin.

Diction/Word Choice ---

• "Awoke," "woke from," "awoke from," "upon awakening from"
• "Uneasy dreams," "troubled dreams," "agitated dreams"
• "He found," "to find," "found himself"
• "transformed," "changed"
• "gigantic," "giant," "enormous," "monstrous"
• "insect," "bug," "vermin" 
• 1: "As..." --- action is currently occurring in the passage
• 2: "Woke" ---past action
• 3: "When" ---past
• "in his bed" all but 2

Syntax---

• no punctuation in first, second, and third options besides period
• 2: Name first --- "narrator/protagonist" tone
• 4: "One morning" first --- setting
• 1, 3: "As/When" first --- passive tone

Imagery/details---

• Morning
• Bed
• Transformed
• Troubled dreams
• Large insect

Structure---

• last option has removable clauses
• (Syntax)

Word choice, syntax, imagery, and structure transforms the meaning of this passage, just as Gregor Samsa was transformed into a bug. The most influential aspect is the translator's word choice. There are huge discrepancies in the meanings/connotations behind the multiple word choices. For instance, the adjective describing Gregor's dreams intensifies with each option, starting with uneasy, to troubled, then agitated. Uneasy has the connotation of being uncomfortable but bearable. Troubled seems a little more intense, but more as a teenage boy who is troubled trying to fight for a girl. Agitated, on the other hand, intensifies the nightmares Gregor is having in the story. Agitated has the connotation of being almost unbearable or similar to a temper tantrum. Also, the different words used for "bug" change the meaning greatly. With "bug," the audience tends to view the transformation as more elementary, since "bug" is a very young, kid-friendly word. "Insect" is more grown up and scientific, giving the audience a creepier, grosser image of Gregor's transformation. With "bug," the audience might have viewed a giant lady bug, whereas with "insect," they probably viewed something more disgusting like a cockroach or centipede. "Vermin" is a bit of an exaggeration in this context. My mom has named the annoying groundhog that lives in our backyard "vermin," so when I think of "vermin," I think more of a hairy rodent rather than an insect. This completely changes a major plot point in the story.

Syntax and structure have similar affects on passages. By the way a sentence is structured, the audience reads the sentence with an idea of what is the most important element of the sentence (<--that sentence could've been better structured). For example, in the first and third passages, using "As" or "When" as the first words in the sentence sets up a passive tone for the event about to occur. However, when the author uses the character's name first, we see a more narrative tone and feel like we're reading more of a story book. When "one morning" is said first, we immediately set up the setting with the element of time.The structure of the fourth option differs from the other three because of the use of commas. This allows for removable clauses in the sentence, implying that the sentence could be reduced down to: "One morning Gregor Samson found himself transformed into a monstrous vermin," and have roughly the same effect.

I don't know which one I would consider "most effective" as I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean. Is "most effective" closest to the original? Or the one that has the biggest impact on the audience? If it were which one had the largest impact, I would say the fourth option is most effective because it's most dramatic. However, I don't think it has the same meaning as the original.

This exercise shows that it is virtually impossible to translate text from one language to another in the exact form and have it say exactly what it means in another language. This could cause problems in the world as even those who are multilingual could misinterpret something that is said and react in an inappropriate manner. There truly isn't, and probably never will be, an universal language. So how can we communicate with those of different cultures effectively? Do we ignore the differences in translation and hope that they're "close enough?"

Word to Your Daughter

https://www.ted.com/talks/sarah_kay_if_i_should_have_a_daughter#t-1076023

Throughout the Ted talk If I Should Have a Daughter by Sarah Kay, Kay explains the effect that she believes spoken word has on people. She adds that spoken word should use what you know but also ask to understand what you don't know. She encourages her students and the audience to express vulnerability to be able to learn and enjoy the world to its fullest extent. She uses examples of how spoken word has changed her life as well as her students'.

Kay uses ethos in her presentation, but not in the way that we would expect. Kay is qualified to make her arguments because she opens her talk with her own personal spoken word poetry. This allows the audience to witness her talent and is an excellent "hook" for the audience. After the audience can see her talent, she goes on to explain the importance of poetry and how to be more open to the world. We, as the audience, tend to accept her arguments because she has proven herself as a successful, talented poet.

Her presentation is loaded with pathos as emotion is a key aspect to spoken word poetry. The infliction of her voice and passion she puts into her words convey her personal emotions and trigger an emotional response in the audience. This connects her to the audience and allows them to understand her poetry better and take her more seriously. For example, the way she speaks to her "daughter" in her first poem relates to anyone who has a daughter or child and allows them to reflect on what they teach their children. She focuses on telling her figurative daughter about the dangers that are present in the world and not allowing them to change her or bring her down. This is an idea that most people can understand as most people do not have everyone they've ever met in agreement with them on everything. This allows for sympathy in the audience.

Probably the least apparent of the 3 in this presentation is logos, as Kay focuses mostly on her opinions and emotional responses as a way of knowing. However, the way she presents emotion to support her arguments seems purely logical in context. She entices the audience to open up to the world and learn to fail. She asks to apologize when you're wrong, but never apologize for who you are.

This is something that really resonates with me. I'd seen the first poem in this talk in a past English class and I could remember vaguely what it was about. I remembered that I loved it (I also think spoken word poetry is super cool) so I decided to watch the whole thing. Turns out, I really relate to it right now as I'm finding that I constantly have to be on my toes with how I present myself to the world and what I say. I hate it. It seems that often when I am trying my hardest to be the best I can be, somehow it is misconstrued and causes someone to get offended anyways. It makes me wish that we lived in a world where people didn't expect the worst out of everyone. We are forced to see so much evil in the world every day that it has become hard to find the good.

This makes me feel like I constantly have to apologize for simply being human. I understand more than anyone just how many mistakes I make, but I also know that I try my hardest not to make them. I don't know how much I agree with Kay's opinion on being vulnerable to the world. I am in no way a cynic, but I do know that the world is a harsh place and if you don't have a thick skin you could get really hurt. However, I do believe that there is so much good in the world that we miss daily because we're too focused on finding the evil. Taking risks is scary, but it is important in order to learn new things and improve. So I have to learn to find balance in this contradiction. I don't know if I agree completely with Kay, but overall, I completely agree that you should not have to apologize for being who you are.

Devious Barbie

Hello from 'bama!

So I have been in the car for about 11 hours and still have another 7 to go, so I apologize if this blog post is not prime.

Barbara Stanwyk's character in Film Noir is presented as a mischievous, beautiful, yet slightly wicked woman. Every aspect of the film works to add to this interesting persona of her character. She characterizes extremely well as an actress, but the effects added by the film team contribute greatly to how she is presented. Her hair and makeup is very Marilyn Monroe, giving her the archetypal "sexy" look. The camera works to display her from flattering angles to add to her gorgeous, yet somehow kinda "off," character. The lighting works to show her features, but casts shadows on her as well to show her hidden personality. All of these contribute to the intent of the producers: to present Barbara as a beautiful, cunning, tricky woman. The deviousness of women was an extremely popular theme in the 1940's and is still seen today.
"Good" and "likeable" are completely different things. "Good" or "morale" implies that Barbara's character adheres to what is socially acceptable and morally correct -- a list I'm pretty sure murder is universally excluded from. However, "likeable" is just one's emotional connection to a character. The producers and Barbara herself do an outstanding job regarding these two ideas. It is clear from almost the minute Barbara's character is introduced that she is not a good/moral person. Nevertheless, the audience is inclined to like her from the beginning as well(at least I did..). We tend to side with her, even though we know we shouldn't since we know her intentions are morally evil.
From the minute Barbara walks out in her skimpy sunbathing towel to meet Fred MacMurray's character, we immediately conclude the way she will interact with him. She doesn't let us down, either. Barbara's character knows just how to manipulate Fred's, and she does it beautifully. She knows what she wants and goes about it carefully. When she feels she has overstepped her boundaries and scared off Fred's character, she immediately covers it with seduction and light-hearted flirting. Fred miraculously seems to forget his moral standards whenever she does this. This technique allows her to control Fred's character and end up getting him to agree to help her achieve her goal and kill her husband for his money.
This psychopathic characterization for Barbara displays how women were viewed in the 1940's. Women were seen as beautiful, sexual, and inferior to men, yet mischievous, clever, and a threat to men. These two ideas do not seem to make any sense to me. How can you objectify a woman, thinking she is less of a person than you, yet be threatened by her very existence and remarkable intellect? It seems that hints of this misconstrued idea of women is still present in today's society. You do not have to look far to see how women are displayed as meat for the animalistic man. We see how women were portrayed during this time period and verbalize it as awful, yet we poke fun at the same inferiority of women. So what progress have we made at all?

I applaud Barbara's character immensely: I definitely believe that women should use their wit to achieve what they want(hopefully with good intentions rather than to commit crimes). It's a skill most women are born with and have been using for ages. However, this does not mean that women are evil creatures to be approached with trepidation. I see it as women using their remarkable, biological genius to achieve their goals. Yes, there are "bad nuts" of every gender, race, religion, sexuality, etc., but these examples should not be presented as a generalization. As an actress, people tend to ask me why I'm so fond of the "bad girl" characters. Truth is, I admire their cunning, devious selves. They're more complex, challenging to understand, and more fun. 

I think a little deviousness is good.

The Perspective of a Netflix Newbie

I feel extremely inadequate for this blog post because I highly doubt any of the characters in MacBeth would fancy One Tree Hill or How I Met Your Mother, but I will try..

Lady MacBeth's most recommended:

1. Orange is the New Black: Netflix's summary of OITNB says "a privileged New Yorker ends up in a women's prison when a past crime catches up with her..." Lady MacBeth begins to watch this show when she starts to feel the guilt of her husband's and her crimes. She is worried that her actions will come back to her and she will be incarcerated. Lady MacBeth watches this show in apprehension of her future as well as to know what to expect if she is given similar consequences. She sees the horrors done in the show which drives her to commit suicide to avoid ever having to experience the same things that the characters do.
2. Scandal: This show is about a group of people who work to get high profile people out of trouble by covering up their crimes and scandals(summary creds to my personal television expert, Kristin Heyward). When Lady MacBeth decides she's going to trick her husband into killing King Duncan, she realizes that she needs to know how to cover up the deed. She begins to watch this show originally to analyze how the characters cover up the scandals they encounter. As she watches, she begins to realize more and more the kind of life this road will take her on and begins to be a little paranoid.
3. Criminal Minds: Netflix defines this show as an "intense police procedural follows a group of extraordinary FBI profilers who spend their days getting into the minds of psychopathic criminals." This show interests Lady MacBeth because they say "it takes one to know one," but the opposite is also true: "to be one, you have to know one." Lady MacBeth derives some of her manipulative tactics based off of the psychopaths she witnesses on the show. She uses these to convince MacBeth to change his whole life to fit what she wants.
4. Dexter: Dexter is a show about a well-mannered man who works for the Miami police but works as a serial killer by night, killing other serial killers. Lady MacBeth adores this show because she relates highly to the character of Dexter. They both have a need to appear proper during the day, but when they are alone, they commit evil deeds that they see as justified. Lady MacBeth believes that her crimes are justified because she's meant to have this immense power. She also knows that if she can convince her husband that his actions would be justified by the supernatural, she can get him to agree to going through with killing King Duncan.

...just realized I could've done movies too... woops. Oh well. Just goes to show I need to watch more television.